Where Does the Good Go?
by IsaDoraKnight
Summary: And how do you know...when to let go?


_**Author's note: **woh, I haven't posted anything on here in a loooonng time. That's probably because I had bad case of writer's block. But luckly, I had a sudden burst of inspiration after listening to this one song called, "where does the good go' by Tegan & Sarah._

_**Disclaimer:** Life With Derek Belongs to Family Channel, not me. I'm just a hopeless fan. :)_

* * *

The clock that hung tauntingly above Casey's head was ticking loudly. It was ticking loudly but defiantly not quickly. Why does time have to go so damn slow? She couldn't take waiting. She needed to know now. When that stupid doctor told her to sit down patiently for an hour, Casey thought she was going to have a mental breakdown. How can somehow expect another person to wait for something as dreadful as this? This was not fair. This was not fair at all.

"… come on you stupid clock… go faster," Casey said to herself. She was pacing the floors with so much apprehension that people were beginning to look at her funny. But she honestly didn't care. Pride was the last thing she was worried about at the moment. Hell, she felt like crying and screaming right there on the spot. And if anyone knew Casey well enough, they would know that she was the kind of person to freak out very easily…

_"I never loved you!"_

Those words echoed through her mind hauntingly Oh, she couldn't believe that was the last thing she said to him before- well… before the accident. Why couldn't it have been something nice? Like, "_oh, I'm sorry for all the mean thing I said to in the past, you really are a good person._" but no, it just had to be something that involved her lying.

Casey looked up at the clock and cringed… it had only been twenty minutes. Which meant that she would have to wait another 30...

Time sucks…

Her legs were beginning to hurt from standing up for so long. She wanted to keep standing, so she could keep pacing, because really, she couldn't find the strength in her to sit down and wait. But when a sharp pain ran up her left knee, Casey knew she had no other choice but to.

She hesitantly sat down onto the nearest chair and tried to get as comfortable as she could, but she was failing to do so. The chair was made out of some type of leather- a very stiff leather. And all it did was make her realize just how difficult this situation really was. This made her want to pace the floors again.

Waiting rooms were so strange- and in a creepy way. Everything always looks so old and dingy. The carpets are this navy blue color with lots of dark stains covering it. Magazines are outdated with pages torn out- it's usually the ones that involve some kind of contest or something. The small television in the corner of the room has a news channel on it, which it really stupid because who wants to hear about a tragedy when your already going through one yourself? And the only thing that is worse then the green painted walls or the bland painting covering them is the smell that surrounds the room. It's like this uncomfortable sense of fate.

And right now it was fate that was hanging over Casey at that very moment… She didn't know if she wanted to deal with it or not. As time got closer, she became more frightened of what it would hold. Would he be okay or not? Would her family be preparing a '_welcome home'_ party or would they be preparing a '_funeral'_? Casey thought about it all. So many different outcomes consumed her mind. First she would picture herself making his bed for him, then without warning, she would picture herself laying on his bed all alone while clutching the pillows that smelled just like him.

Casey suddenly heard cries from in the distance. She closed her eyes and prayed to god that wouldn't be her in 20 minutes.

Her phone rang and she snatched it out of her purse before it could even ring a second time. When she answered it, she could here her mother's shaky breath. "mo- mom?" Casey said into the speaker. Her voice was shakier then she thought it would be. Talking was barely possible for her.

"Casey… what's going on right now? Where are you? Are you still at the hospital?" Her mother, Nora, asked with nervousness.

"No, I'm still here in the waiting room…" Casey swallowed hard before continuing. "I- I haven't heard about anything yet."

Nora let of a rough sigh. "oh.. Well- when will it be before you do?"

"maybe twenty minutes…" Casey replied. She noticed her hands were beginning to shake as she spoke to her.

"Well, I just want you to know… that whatever happens… we'll all work through it together."

Water was beginning to well up in Casey's eyes. Talking to Nora was oddly making things worse for her.

She wasn't being the comforting mother she needed at the moment. She was instead bracing her for the worse. It was not something Casey needed at the moment.

"mom, I have to go… I need to listen for the doctor." This was of course, an excuse. Casey had to find a reason to hang up. She was not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Nora mumbled something under her breath before saying, "okay… well, call me if you find out about absolutely anything. Because I want to know. Okay?"

Casey was now fiddling with the lacy part of her top. "Alright, mom.. Goodbye." She hung up while her mother was just beginning to say 'goodbye' back.

She looked up at the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. In a little more than ten minutes she would know.

When she last saw Derek, he found Truman kissing her inside her dorm room. The look of hurt that was written onto his face made Casey's stomach turn. When Derek opened that door and turned on that light switch, the only thing she could focus on was him. Truman disappeared at that moment. It was just her and Derek.

Hopefully everything would be okay so that she could let him know what really happened.

She fixed her eyes on the clock and swallowed hard. It was almost time. Closing her eyes, she imagined Derek's heart still beating. She imagined Derek laying in his hospital bed, sleeping with a peaceful look on his face. It was all she could do to stop herself from crying.

* * *

She was sleeping when she felt something warm grab her shoulder gently. Opening her heavy eyelids she saw a face. At first it was blurry, but after a while it became clear.

It was time.

"I'm sorry to wake you up, but-"

Casey didn't even have the patience let the doctor finish his sentence. "Where is he!?" She jumped up from the seat. She was feeling dizzy from getting up so quickly, so she steadied a hand on his shoulder. "Is he okay?! What happened?!"

"Ms. McDonald…"

The doctor's attempt to calm her down did not work. "I'm just so worried about him! and my family is all the way in Toronto! Please, tell-"

"MS. MCDONALD!" He yelled with frustration. When she stopped talking he sighed with relief. His hands went up to his glasses and he adjusted them gently.

"I just I want to know… please." At that moment, she could see in the distance a man on a stretcher being wheeled into a operating room. The sight of it made her stomach queasy.

"Before I say anything I just want to let you know that we did everything we could…" The doctor put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sad look.

Oh no.. Casey did not like the way this was going.

"When he hit that truck… He wasn't wearing a seat belt." His voice was now barely audible. "His head went forward and hit the steering wheel…"

Casey's mouth dropped open and more tears began to cover her eyes.

"Derek suffered a major head injury."

She wasn't blinking anymore. She could barely make out the doctor's face because of all the tears that were filled in her eyes.

He squeezed Casey's shoulder in hopes to comfort her. "I'm so sorry, Casey… But we lost him."

Her knees buckled and she fell forward. The weary doctor caught her. At first she was completely silent. She didn't cry, she didn't yell. Casey just stood there while her chin rested on the doctor's shoulder. When she finally blinked, several tears fell down her cheeks and landed onto the cold floors of the hospital.

She couldn't believe he was gone. This wasn't suppose to happen. Derek was suppose to be okay. The feeling of never seeing him again made her chest tighten from panic.

No, he wasn't gone. He was still there. The doctor was wrong. Derek was still alive. He had to be.

"I want to see him!" Casey yelled, pushing herself away from the doctor. He only stared at her speechlessly.

"I don't think-"

"Please!" She was shaking all over now.

He gave into her, but he didn't look happy at all.

Casey walked down the white glossy halls, pretending like she didn't notice the sick patients that were visible from inside their rooms. The closer she got to where Derek was, the more sick she felt. The hallway even began to narrow.

The doctor came to halt when they reached the end of it. Casey looked at him and breathed in loudly.

He didn't say anything and only extended his hand to the doorknob. After he opened it, Casey was signaled to walk in.

The room was dimly lit and there was smell that bothered her greatly. She held her hands together tightly and braced herself. With each step she took, closer she got to him. Derek was laying on a hard metal bed. His whole body and face was covered by a white sheet and the thought of herself lifting it up made her want to run away. Reality was sinking in. She knew he wasn't there. She couldn't feel his presence at all.

When she was face to face with Derek, she just looked at him. She could make out the shape of his nose and the slight curves of his body. Slowly, she took her hand and touched his shoulder. It was cold and lifeless.

Another tear fell down her cheek.

It took Casey several minutes to grab the corner of the sheet and pull it down. With each movement of her hand she began to see Derek. First his forehead, then his eyes, and finally his neck. He was whiter than paper and there were dark circles around his eyes. Casey had to look away because the sight of him made her weak.

Derek was gone. He was gone and she couldn't do anything to change it. So many things were going through her head. She couldn't stop thinking about everything she had been through with him.

Her thumb touched his cheek and made little circles there. Derek was such a handsome guy. It just wasn't fair that he couldn't live a longer life.

Casey broke down into his chest and cried as hard as she could. With each violent sob her knees shook.

* * *

It was painful for Casey to leave the hospital, but she knew she had to.

She sat in her car and held her cell phone near her lap. She had just told her mother the horrible news. She cried and Casey cried. Nothing about it was easy.

The engine was on but Casey couldn't find the strength in her to drive away. Her whole body felt like led. Her head was spinning also.

Looking around, Casey was reminded of what she would miss forever. Derek was sitting in this very car only yesterday. They used to drive to restaurants and other typical places after their classes. Yes, they may have always argued when they were out together, but the experience was always… special to her. No one ever could make her laugh the way Derek could. He was almost like her other half. She needed him to just as he needed her.

The cup he was drinking last night was still in its holder. She looked at it silently before taking her hand and touching the rim of it. Gently, her finger ran against the cup. All she could picture was Derek's lips and how they would turn into a smirk whenever she would do something stupid in front of him.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

* * *

_I'm thinking about turning this into a three-shot or more, but it depends if anyone likes this first chapter. _

_I actually have this whole plotline behind Derek's death. So your curious to read more, please review :)_


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